In The Arms of Harmony
by VonGentlemen
Summary: Edward fights to save Bella from a terminal illness. Along the way, he may have to re-evaluate what he truly values in life. A tale of love and loss.
1. Chapter 1

In the Arms of Harmony

"King me, you piece of shit", said Edward Cullen as he slammed his fist against the board in front of him, causing all sixty-four ebony and ivory squares before him to tremble in throbbing anticipation of his might. "Tch, child's play" beeped James, his lifeless red eye surveying the board and transmitting all possible moves to his neuroprocesser. The resounding clack of Edward's double-jump echoed into annals of time. James had only 8 pieces left to Edward's 10.

Reluctantly, James flipped the piece before him, proudly displaying its gold and sapphire trim, indicating a king piece. With that, Edward's turn had ended, and he hit the clock, reversing the flow of time and allowing for James' move. James surveyed the board as his neuroprocesser's cyber proc-links flashed stream of Checions, checker aligned neutrons processing possible moves. "Probability of victory: 98%. Nothing can save you, or your little bitch, you bitch." Sections of the checkerboard lit up, highlighting James' next move. Like the Dutch fleet at the battle of Haarlemmermeer, Edward's flank was weak. James' hand rubbed his piece, its silky radium form endlessly sending out waves of pure energy, the effects of which on later generations are still being disputed to this day. With a decisive swing of his hand, James withdrew a piece, and left it on the edge of the board, where it sat, slowly becoming a metaphor for imperialism.

"Oh yeah? I've killed you once, I can do it again." Edward said, examining his possible moves. With nothing to jump, Edward's king sat alone on the edge of the board, which was made of komodo dragon ivory and dark matter. Edward whipped one of his flanking piece backwards, and it whistled through the air as he did, signing the song of a sexually abused caged bird. He was bluffing. With all of the ultra-cybo-enchancements that James had gotten from Feminist Doctor Wily, James was overflowing with Checions, the magnitude of which enhanced his moves with the strength of a demon made of M1 Abrams Tanks.

"YOU'VE FALLEN FOR MY TRAP." Screamed James as soon as Edward completed his move. "BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER!" James announced, beginning his signature move. Edward flinched, struggling to keep his physical form intact as quadrillions of Checions gathered at James' fingertips. With 8 resounding booms, each of which undermined mankind's future ability for introspection, James completed an eight-sequence move, taking eight of Edward's pieces and banishing them to the Land of the Damned, there they remain to this day.

"Fwuh. I should have known you would unleash the BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER", Edward said, struggling to contain the bleeding. "There were eight open spaces around the side of the board, just enough for you to unleash it." James cackled. "But, there's one thing you overlooked." Edward explained, conversationally. "For using the BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER move put your final piece in a corner-line." James started to open his cyber-jaw to interject in panic, but he was cut off by Edward's signature move.

"BREAKING DAWN!" Edward exclaimed as his foremost piece jumped all 10 of James' remaining piece, each one exploding into sparkling fragments and burning out of existence in a supernova of blood.

"YOU BASTARD!" Screamed James, focusing all of the remaining Checions in his dissolving body into the proto-plasma-checker-cannon mounted on his chest. With a 'quosh' sound, he fired, although he fired wide, missing Edward and killing god, ushering in an age of darkness.

Like an attractive protagonist, Edward smirked as James' soul left his body and entered Edward's Lordevessel. With a satisfied 'snrk', Edward collapsed the Checkerboard in front of him and docked it in the Checkerdisk mounted above his Lordevessel and teleported home before the timeline of the city he was playing Checkers in could collapse.

Bella was waiting for Edward when he arrived back home. "I'm home, babe." He said. He wasn't surprised when she didn't respond, seeing as her fleeting human form was entombed in a life-preserving motorcycle with anthropomorphic tiger features.

"I got revenge on James for you today, baby sweetie dearest." He giggled, pouring himself a drink of blood from his neo-refrigerator. "He's the 45th soul I've taken through winning a game of checkers. Only 63 more checker games before I have 108 souls and can wish you back to life by the power of the Checker-Deities." Flaunting his sexually-attractive body, Edward lay next to Bella and fell asleep.

He dreamt of Checkers.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward Cullen was walking in the forests of Washington. All around him lay the ancient ashen trees of Forks that were infamous for puncturing the heavens and bringing about the end of the age of immortals. Edward snirk'led slightly to himself as he looked out over the coastline, the same coastline he had rescued a drowning Bella from, and the same waters he had subsequently used as a purity bath to tame her insolence.

A sight in the distance caught Edward's attention, and he focused his second eye in on the distant subject. Far off in the distance lay a teepee, fashioned of animal hides dyed pulsing colors that nobody could sing about. Edward's fourth sense tingled, and he spun around to meet his mortal enemy in life: Jacob Black.

The burning effigy on Jacob's dwarven wrought jeans glows, symbolizing the impertinence of all things. Wordlessly, the two locked eyes as leaves began to fall in a dramatic fashion, before dissolving into Checions against the increasing chess auras. Edward reached for the checkerboard mounted above his Lordevessel, but Jacob beat him to it. Jacob tossed out his own chessboard, which floated in the air between them before numerous cyber-tentacles emerged, penetrating the crevices of the ground and forming a supportive table. The black squares on the board were wrought with an ungodly ebony, and mounted with the static of a thousand television displays through which one could fall and be murdered across the continuities of various collapsing mediums.

Edward removed his checkers from his body, milky white like his flawless skin, and placed them on the board. Jacob, using black pieces because it fit his last name, did the same. Except black. As previously stated. Bitch.

"I've been waiting so long for this." Edward said, eagerly as he began his opening move. Jacob simply death started him back, all of his eyes focused on Edward's immaculate face. "Want to know what your daughter's innards looked like?" Jacob mocked. Edward's grasp over his komodo-dragon ivory checker pieces tightened as he cursed the fact that wolves sacrifice their mates to the glory of Satanis after mating, a destiny his mutant half-vampire spawn had been unable to avoid.

Jacob was well aware of Edward's key-checker move, the Breaking Dawn, which he had seen Edward use once to kill Tayyip Erdoğan and become the prime minister of Turkey, as was Turkish law. In order for the move to work, and subsequently kill him and undervalue all things he loved in the eyes of eternity, Edward would need 4 pieces aligned from the corner of the board, allowing his 12-sequence jump for game. Jacob turgled as he pulled the last of pieces into position.

"NEW MOON" shouted Jacob, darting about the board, in a half-man, half-wolf hybrid form. Faster than all of Edward's eye could see, Jacob's topmost checker piece jumped a full circle of Edward's pieces, creating an effigy of a moon, bright enough to reflect sunlight up to the orbital moon, destroying it and causing the orbital moon to reflect enough solar energy back onto the board, vaporizing 8 of Edward's pieces in a flash of light.

To the common observer that was somehow capable of surviving a fatal amount of solar radiation, Edward was at a clear disadvantage, for he had only four pieces left. Checions pulsed in the air as Edward's sexy, confident grin widened to a full smile, at a high enough speed to split the corner of his mouth and lose blood all over the ground, where it seeped down into the roots of the mountains and awoke a race of racist trolls. "Take this, you baka!" Edward exclaimed, conversationally, out loud. "BREAKING DAWN", he loudly exclaimed, announcing his signature move. The Checions in the air exploded in a show of sparkled like diamonds as all but one of Jacob's pieces were jumped in one continual, metaphorical chain. Jacob was probably fucked at this point.

However, Jacob's smile went even wider, revealing the large white bestial teeth that had drained the blood from 100 dreams across a lifetime of being a technical minority. Trillions of Checions pulsed in the air in anticipation for Jacob's next move. All 16 of Jacob's hands snapped to full attention and began to descend upon the board.

Faster than Edward's eyes could perceive, the match was over. All four of his remaining pieces, along with his knights, his queen, the Go Hane Lock he had established, and his metal top hat were eliminated from the board.

"Behold the power of my secret Checkers technique" Jacob said, his remaining piece floating around the fingers of his top 4 arms. "The BRAHMASTRA. One jump with each hand. No man can withstand the power of 16 simultaneous moves."

Edward fell backwards as the checkerboard collapsed, badly bleeding. Jacob towered over him. "Under the 'Ultra Chess Soul Supremacy Act' passed by Barack Saddam Obama in his 4th term, I am allowed to take your soul. But I don't want your soul. All I want is your life."

Edward was too weak to resist Jacob lifting him up and tossing his bleeding body in the sea. As he fell, his vision fell to black. Soon, his mind was gone entirely, and as he sunk closer and closer to the forgotten city of R'lyeh, his last waking thoughts were of checkers.


	3. Chapter 3

Many moons had come and gone by the time Edward had awoken. 12, to be precise, all of which failed to serve as a suitable replacement for the moon that had been destroyed, leading to uneven tide flows and the subsequent sinking of South America. He awoke upon a bed of nails, except all of the nails were made of ice and shaped like rounded spheres.

Before Edward sat a figure, clad in the furs of legend, and with a beard that housed many dreams and legends. The entity paid him no mind as he ate another piece of Cthulhu sushi and downed with a gulp of space water, which he poured from one of those cups that guys in Japanese movies always drink out of. Edward recognized the figure of lore instantly.

"Beowulf", he exclaimed out loud, possibly to no one, in a way that could either be a question or interjecting statement. "I am he." Said Beowulf, nonchalantly as he finished his sushi, and neatly placed the sushi tray in a makeshift dishwasher fashioned from water and oppression.

"Clearly you do not understand the ways of chess." Beowulf said before snapping his fingers. The ground between them opened as a chessboard of lore (the lore of Beowulf, to be exact) rose, and Beowulf distributed the pieces. "What do you mean? I am a level-3 expert at chess!" Edward exclaimed, pounding his first against the table, the ground, and his temples for emphasis.

"One who knows nothing can understand nothing." Beowulf said calmly as he made his first move. "I shall demonstrate."

Beowulf's reputation as the greatest Checkers player in ye poetry of olde was not incorrect. Edward felt as if he was playing against a glacier. Each of Beowulf's moves appeared to anticipate his own, and every time he felt he made progress, he found himself no closer than he was at the start. As the game continued, Edward noticed Beowulf's pieces aligned on the side of the board. His chance at hand.

"BREAKING DAWN!" Edward exclaimed, beginning his signature move. This one felt different. The Checions in the air didn't favor him. There didn't appear to be any. Edward began his first jump, when much to his surprise, his jumping piece exploded, knocking off several dozen of his fingers. "You think only of jumping pieces. Not of crushing your enemy." Beowulf bellowed.

"HRUNTING!"

Edward felt no Checions in the air, yet Beowulf's next move should have been enough to call forth several sextillion Checions and impregnate them, forcing them to give birth to new Checions, as hollow as Heaven's promises. Beowulf's pieces fell upon Edward's burning them from existence in a non-sustainable combustion. Edward gazed in horror at his remaining piece.

"Do you see? Do you truly see now? You have but one piece. Yet, one piece is enough to win. Do you see?"

Edward stared at the board. All of the moves he could have reasonably made last turn were gone, as all of his possible moves required either multiple pieces, or fingers.

"If you do not see, I shall kill you. I shall crush your throat like little baby-man."

Edward stared at the board. More than any other time in his life, he tried to think of checkers.


	4. Chapter 4

As Italy was a frozen wasteland 12 months of the year, it is of no narrative importance to distinguish what month it was when Edward emerged from the sea. Clothed in the silken clothes of R'Lyeh and sporting a shiny new set of bio-mechanical replacement fingers that melded science and magic seamlessly, Edward set his sights on the Neo-Cyber-Volterra, and began his trek forwards.

None of the Volturi were particularly surprised when Edward kicked down the door to their inner citadel, as they had heard him outside attempting to kick it in for near 45 minutes. "One more lamb to the slaughter." Aro laughed. "To the slaughter..." Cauis echoed, needlessly adding dramatic emphasis on Aro's last line. "Se você vir a desempenhar?" Marcus finished, for he was only capable of speaking Portuguese since the accident.

Edward undid his sash, allowing it to float away to orbit and rejoin its people. His shirt fell to the ground, revealing the numerous, totally sexy, scars he had gained while learning the art of Norse Checkers from Beowulf. Wordlessly, each of the Volturi conjured forth their checkerboard and set the pieces. All of Edward's eyes locked with theirs, exchanging a silent understanding of what was to come. A single loss would cost Edward his soul.

With a gunshot through the air, the games begun.

All four players played with the maximum possible degree that a vampire could output during a game of checkers. Were there mere mortals within the chamber, the amount of Checions in the atmosphere would have microwaved them into a delicious snack. Soon, the Checions in the air ignited, burning brighter than the hopes and dreams of deposed children and reducing the citadel to ash, leaving the four playing checks in the rain atop a tower while dramatic music played in the background that combined elements of new-wave metal and traditional symphonic opera.

As all three of the Volturi had seen footage of Breaking Dawn on the internet, all knew not to align their pieces diagonally along the board, something that should probably have already been common sense for Edward's previous opponents. Aro and Cauis exchanged knowing nods, as they moved their pieces together to prepare their combo-attack.

"KINGMAKER!" The two shouted in unison. The Kingmaker was the legendary Volturi Checker move that allowed them to King all 12 of their pieces at once, allowing for utter domination of the board. Exactly what Edward was waiting for.

"64 SQUARES TECHNIQUE: BURNING OF THE TIDES OF FATE: THE SPARKLING SUN!" Edward yelled. None of the Volturi knew how to react. A secret Checkers technique that they had never seen before? Faster than the eye could see, or the poet could record, Edward slammed his fist against the tables. All of the pieces flew up into the air, and before they could fall, Edward rotated the table 90 , causing the pieces to fall along the edge of the board. The Vultori looked at each other in surprise. Before any of them had time to react, Edward had begun his next move.

"BREAKING DAWN!" Edward exclaimed, launching his signature move. Along with their pieces, Aro and Cauis exploded in showers of gore, flooding the earth and causing Sunday to be re-named to 'Dayofbloodday'. Edward then procured a Glock 17C from his space-Norse-pants and executed Marcus. As Marcus had not actually moved a piece yet, and had simply been standing still spouting Portuguese, it was a mercy kill.

Edward harvested their souls, bringing his soul count up to 49, because he had also probably beaten Beowulf sometime. He set off into the sunset, thinking of checkers, but more importantly, his 50th victory: Jacob Black.


	5. Chapter 5

Edward's journey back to Forks, Washington was a difficult one, as anyone who has attempted to walk across the Atlantic Ocean will attest to. When he returned, he found the city ablaze, and the people nothing more than mutated mockery of life owing to radiation poisoning from all the Checions in the air. As Edward waded through a pile of once-human teeth, he set his eyes on a distant target: Jacob's racially mandated Teepee.

Jacob Black was waiting for him, Checkerboard set up over the desecrated body of Renesmee, Edward's mutant spawn daughter. Jacob's attempts to psych him out would not work. Glaring at Jacob with his eyes, Edward did not set up his pieces like Jacob had anticipated. "We shall not fight here." Edward declared. "We shall instead fight in the lost city of Atlantis, a more fitting battleground."

"Fwuh-ha-huh-hah-haha-haha." Jacob laughed/giggled in response. "Many know of your secret underwater training. I shan't give you the advantage of a home-field. Instead, we shall fight atop an active volcano." The two shook hands.

Mount St. Helen's was due for exploding again, and as it did, burning slags of lava passed over the staging ground of Edward and Jacob's final battle, before raining down on the suburbs below, destroying countless homes and livelihoods. The two tossed their pieces on the board.

The two played absolutely evenly. 8 hours of non-stop Checkers had passed, and both had yet to actually secure a piece. Edward had several of his eyes scan over Jacob's 16 hands, awaiting the perfect moment. "Baha. I tire of this!" Jacob exclaimed, taking a dramatic pose over the board. This was the moment that Edward had been waiting for.

"BRAHMASTRA!"

Jacob's sixteen hands completed sixteen moves, all within the heartbeat of a fraction of a nanosecond. When the Checion-induced smoke settled, much to Jacob's surprise, Edward was still standing.

"Fwuh?" Jacob exclaimed in surprise. Edward looked him head on, before a slight grin broke on his face. "Look at the board." Edward mocked.

Jacob looked down to find his pieces missing. "How can this be?!" He loudly asked, climactically. "You were so busy with your Brahmastra move, you didn't notice me rotate the board 90 . What good is 16 simultaneous moves if you jump all your own pieces?"

Jacob let out a scream, which distorted to sound like a Marylin Manson song as his body began to turn hollow, just like god's promises. In a bright flash of blue, gold, green, purple, red, black, gold, and blue light, his soul left his body and was sucked up by Edward's Lordevessel.

Edward let out a sigh and refreshing rain swept over him. He had won. Now all that was left to do was return home.

Bella was where Edward left her, although slightly more emaciated because nobody had been present to feed her comatose body. "Hey baby." Edward said, setting down his Lordevessel beside her. Wordlessly, he set up a checkerboard between them. Wordlessly, he set his pieces along the board.

"I've got to thinking. All this time I've been collecting souls and playing checkers in pursuit of a dream. But, I came to realize, everything I need is right in front of me." Edward mused. Bella smiled. Maybe. It was hard to tell.

Edward knocked over the Checkerboard. "So, this is one game I want to lose. All the souls I've forcefully ripped from human and vampire bodies has made me realize something. You're the one who really owns me soul." Since Edward knocked over the checkerboard, according to the rules of neo-checkers set by President Barack Bin Laden Obama III, he was the loser. With a smile on his face, his soul left his body and floated over to Bella.

The two lie there, content in their carnal, romantic, and vegetative embrace for a long while, before Bella quietly expired from malnutrition. It was hard to tell, though. Months later, Edward's body was discovered and sold to necrophiliacs.

The end.


End file.
